We all do it, every year...
- ‘I’m going to go to the gym every day’;
- ‘I’m going to leave the job I hate’;
- ‘I’m going to be happier’;
- ‘I’m going to change my life’.
The resolutions get bigger and bigger, and in their growth, they become less achievable.
There is nothing wrong with having a big goal: all change starts with an ideal/a wish/a dream, and that is not something to be dismissed, in fact, it’s essential...
However, in order to make a real change and avoid disappointment, we need to create realistic goals. If you make your goals too high and too fast, it is unlikely that you will achieve them.
Let’s take: ‘I’m going to eat more healthily’ as an example.
Writing this down on a list is not going to make it happen. But creating a goal towards this aim, within an attainable, realistic and timed framework will make it much more likely to happen. It will also make you feel better and avoid that mid-January slump when you realise that, once again, you have ‘failed’ to achieve your resolutions.
We need to be specific. In fact, we need to make our goals SMART (Doran, 1981).
Specific:
Be clear about the specific action you are going to take to achieve your goal (i.e. what you are going to do to eat more healthily)
e.g. include more fruit and vegetables; stop snacking; reduce portion size.
Measurable:
Ensure that these changes are measurable. Using quantities can help with this so it becomes easier to monitor the change in your diet and what is helping/ not helping.
e.g. Every Saturday for the next month, I will plan and make healthy meals.
Achievable:
Be realistic about your goal and do not set targets which you already know are unachievable. You should be able to look at that goal and think: ‘Yes, I can easily do that’ and approach it with confidence. It is best to start small and build your confidence. For example, you know yourself well enough to know that you are not going to be able to give up biscuits completely, but halving your weekly intake might be achievable.
e.g. I will have an apple rather than a biscuit at 3pm; I will only have one biscuit instead of 3; I will buy healthier biscuits.
Relevant:
Make sure your changes are relevant to you. Think about the area where you are guilty of unnecessary/ slightly excessive habits. For me, it is cheese! For example. I could have a little slither on toast, but I always end up having an enormous (and completely unnecessary) hunk of cheddar.
e.g. I really don’t need an enormous hunk of cheese, even though I love it. But I know that if I reduce this, it will benefit my health greatly. I will use a vegetable peeler to create shavings of cheese to help reduce my intake.
Time-Bound:
It is important to review your goal regularly. Set a target for when you would like to achieve your goal but also be adaptable: it is important to ‘check-in’ with yourself and make sure that you are sticking to your goals. If you are finding it difficult, you might need to adjust what you are focusing on to make it more achievable.
e.g. My goal was to revolutionise my diet in a week, but I am so busy with work at the moment that I will make small changes for now and look at them collectively at the end of this month.
During this whole process, the most important thing to remember is to be firm but kind with yourself. Sometimes, when setting goals, we can start to hear the voice of a parent/teacher/authority from some point in our lives, and we go into a fear-based mindset: this is not very constructive when working towards achievable outcomes. You should be setting goals for you, and you alone. Resist the temptation to compare yourself with what ‘so and so’ is doing on Instagram, or what your friend did last year: this just needs to be achievable for you, and that is enough.
So, ‘start small’ because small changes can have a big impact and just be pleased that you started at all. You can always amend the goals along the way. They are to help you, not to threaten you!
Another tip is to do some ‘If - then’ goal planning: e.g. if I go to the BBQ, I will eat fish instead of meat; salad instead of chips, etc.
Make the start of 2025 a time of self-reflection and kind contemplation rather than beating yourself up about what you haven't done. Take stock of everything positive you did in 2024: every difficulty you got through; all the friends and family you supported; the stranger you helped when they were in need; the sad-looking person you smiled at for no reason other than to make them smile.
Change is good but so is recognising that you are always enough as you are. Recognising what we want to keep about ourselves (what makes us feel good about ourselves) can be as important as recognising what we want to change.
In the meantime, I’m off to eat my hunks of cheese before January comes!
Have a lovely festive period and I look forward to seeing you at The Broad Street Practice where I will be every Friday from January, 2025.
Fiona
References
• Doran, G. T.: (1981) "There's a S.M.A.R.T. Way to Write Management's Goals and Objectives", Management Review, Vol. 70, Issue 11, pp. 35-36
The above blog is written by Fiona Wilson - a Life Coach who is joining the practice starting on 3rd January. You can find out more about Fiona, her experience and her approach, via her website at fionawilsoncoaching.com or you can reach her by email at fiona@fionawilsoncoaching.com
